Friendship : A bond that unite two people closely with an important respect and kindness towards each other.
Friendship is something that is dear to lot of people. We share everything with our friends, our pain, our happinesses, our dreams, memories... Friendship is something pure that unite two people together.
With friends incredible memories will be build and laugh will lighter the room. But they will also be there with you in the rough moments, like you are for them. Friendship is something that go both ways and not in a one way kind of term.
So why do sometimes we feel like there is something wrong going on ? Like the way we behave with them is not the same way they are behaving with us ?
It is at this moment that things can get pretty risky. You are starting to overthink it. Is something wrong ? Are they alright ? Have you done something wrong ? But then the situation continue with time, and it can’t stop.
And this situation is leaving you with an important question : Is my friend toxic ?
Start the confusion and the overthinking. Have they always treated me like that ? Is it a sudden change ? How can I know ?
Here is a list with 16 points that may help you ( or so I hope)
(Editor’s note : this list is based of experiences from friends and from what I lived/witnessed)
You have the impression that your friendship is a one way road.
When you talk about something they drive the conversation towards them.
They talk to you only when they need you.
The moment they see someone more interesting they leave you without notices.
They make you feel guilty when you are sharing your feelings.
You have to watch your words around them.
You cannot be yourself when they are around.
They expect you to be there for them but are never there for you.
They do not support your achievements but rather try to be better than you.
You do not trust them anymore.
You feel like they are probably saying mean stuff behind your pack.
You feel like you can’t ask them advices and tell them the stuff that are bothering you.
They are playing the victim.
They want the attention to be around themselves.
When you are planning a work/ hanging out moment, they are never there for you and your friends. And expect you to be there when they will be ready.
You are feeling used.
And of course, what you feel.
So now that you have identified the fact that your friend is toxic (or not) what to do ?
If you still have hope concerning them here is my advice :
Talk to them. Openly talk about what you feel, if you can before make a list with concrete examples. Tell them the way it has been affecting you. Then, everything will be onto their hands. They will have the responsibility. Changing or leaving you in peace.
If you do not; you are probably wondering : how can I get out of here ?
-You can slowly distance yourself from them. Not sending send messages or taking news from them.
-Talk to them and explain that you do not wish to be their friend anymore.
Please keep in mind that we cannot control people, each person has to take decisions on their own and you cannot change someone. Or overthink it, you are not responsible for the way that they are treating you. On this kind of situation you are not the problem. They are.
You are loved and you deserve to be treated with respect. Your happiness, your mental and physical health matter more than everything else.
And please keep in mind, that you are loved. And that this whole situation is not your fault.
Cover : Movie : The Dreamers (2003), Dir. Bernardo Bertolucci